How it all started:

I’ve tried to write this story more than once - three or four times maybe.

It’s genuinely difficult. It brings up endless emotions for me; meaning the emotions still feel raw and ongoing. Rightfully so, but it hurts. It feels HARD. Hard to convey in a way that doesn’t seem like ‘woe is me’ or ‘life sucks’ or any of those variations.

The truth is I am BEYOND grateful for life - and the challenges it has thrown my way. Because in the end, these challenges have shaped me and made me who I am. They have defined me, forced me to grow, developed me.

So when I say challenges what do I mean?

Lordy… I mean A LOT. I mean the culmination of my life. The realizations that experiences have brought me have genuinely shaped my life. Multiple things - from things I’m not open about to things I am very vocal about - I have been developed into this type of person over such a long period of time.

I think when I try to discuss something like this it comes out naturally in person because I just SPEAK. I just let it out, without fear of repercussions. But when I try to discuss this in text format then aye aye ayeee do I feel like the judgment will come at me.

However, I sit here now. Typing this out and I just have come to the conclusion I need to be honest. I need to be raw and genuine. There is truly no other way. No other way will have the same impact as my story does AS IT IS.

I think where I always try to begin is 8/8/2022. But is that the date that has defined me? Yes and no. That date has changed our lives. But I have been a person before that date, been a mom in a different way before that date, been an individual before children before that date, been a kid before that date. Obviously life has ways of shaping us regardless of events that we didn’t expect. However, when I truly put thought into it - if it were NOT for that date, then I would NOT be who I am today. I would be drastically different. So let’s start there - because the date is one I will never forget.

August 8th, 2022.
Actually - we should start with Sunday, August 7th, 2022

We were visiting a local apple orchard. Doing our best to make the most of our family visiting us. We spent time picking apples and enjoying the cute farm animals they had. I had my nice camera and was snapping pics while we were there.

At this point - I get emotional.

Notice anything off? Maybe so - maybe not.

My youngest was 10 months old at the time. He seemed less than enthused. Did I think anything of it? Nope. Was that a mistake? Yep.

“Maybe it’s the hot sun. It has been hot today.”

“Wow, he’s so thirsty! He loves those new sippy cups we got!”

“He’s a little cranky. Must be nap time.”

Do I remember these words and what I said on that day? Not really. Do I remember saying these things over the course of the weekend? Yes. Yes I do. Along with, “Wow, he peed through 5 diapers last night. I kept getting up to change them. He drank so much out of those new sippy cups.”

All of these statements - along with more to come - were warning signs of Type 1 Diabetes.

Cue more emotions. Ugh.

He went to bed that night and by the grace of God he made it to the next day - but the next day was nothing normal.

He had been waking up and standing up in his crib, smiling, giggling, full of life and personality every morning. You know if you’re a mom those mornings you sometimes dread like ‘Why couldn’t we have gotten one more hour of sleep, you sweet little human?!’ - except this morning was chill. I got up with my oldest and made him breakfast. I told my oldest, “Your brother is sleeping in a bit late today! He must be so tired from the apple orchard yesterday.”

My youngest started to make noise and I was thrilled to go grab him. But something was off. Really off.

He was still laying down, on his back. Staring up at the ceiling, glancing at me, but not a lot of playful emotion like usual.

I asked him, “What’s going on, baby?”

Nothing. Barely a smirk.

Bottle? Of course he took it. Chugged it like there was nothing better in the world.

Movement? Barely.

It seriously hurts to relive these moments.

I picked him up, and then he didn’t want to be put down.

I called my husband, then I called the doctors as I packed my kids in the car.

His doctors told me no appointments were available, so to do whatever I think I needed to do. ‘What does that mean?’ I asked myself, confused and trying to keep my calm while also trying to figure out what was wrong with my kid. I headed home. We were home for maybe 10 minutes max before I was packing the kids back in the car again.